Sunday, May 23, 2010

too quick to quit?

for as far back as i can remember i was never really one to "tough it out" or "stick it through to the end." 

i only made it through 2 days of soccer try outs in junior high and was on my high school lacrosse team for a whopping two weeks before ditching it in favor of more 'productive' things like hanging out with friends and watching TV.  i played an instrument for years before buying my own and then parting ways with the band a month later.  i bailed on honors classes i took half-way through the year and threw myself into activities i thought i'd love just to quit a few weeks later. 

i definitely didn't have that stick with it drive.

so last summer when i became devoted to running my husband laughed and friends took bets as to how long the running love affair would last.

i banged out a couple 5ks and loved it.  and while i was far from quick, i definitely enjoyed the journey.  and that's what it's always been about for me.  its not just about the end result because if you hate the journey you'll be miserable. 

fast forward through a brutally cold winter (when the temp drops below 50 degrees i hibernate) and monsoon season, i finally laced up my kicks for a quick mile lap around my neighborhood.  i have some big plans to run some races this summer (would LOVE to hit a 10k) and a Warrior Dash event in September to prep for so i was pysched.  however, my legs weren't as thrilled.  they felt heavy and sluggish.  and i had to stop and walk for a minute or so.  my hubby came with and tried to push me through it but i was annoyed at how much i back tracked, even though i do cardio pretty much every day. 

when the run was over -almost 11 minutes later, eek!- i was ready to throw in the sweaty running towel. 

i was feeling pretty lousy about my first "real" run since the winter hit, and then i had an ah-ha moment.  it would be so easy for me to quit.  it would be the simple solution.  i'm not naturally good at running and originally started to do it for stress relief and adventure (and a way out of the gym sometimes!).  but i was letting the time of the run, the soreness, every little thing get to me.  i hadn't been out for a serious run in forever, so what did i expect.  a sub 7minute mile?  and just because i wasn't fabulous at this run, did it mean i had to stop it altogether? 

see, here's the secret.  most people strive for a PR (personal record) when they run, but i strive for a PM (present moment).  when i'm running i'm NOWHERE else.  i'm completely in the zone and totally present.  i hear every beat of music, i feel every step.  i'm aware of my legs and arms, even my fingertips.  and that's powerful.  i have no anxiety, no stress, no worries.  it's my time.  and i adore it.

so i'm gonna quit that because of one bad day? 
well... yeah, almost!
but i refused to give in.  ok, so i had a sucky experience on that run.  didn't mean it'd always happen.  and it's time for me to change this "i can always quit" attitude.  when things get tough, i need to get tougher.  and that's what i did.  this morning i laced my sneaks back up and headed out.  i promised myself just one mile.  just have fun like i used to and enjoy being present.  and present i was!  i didn't stop once. i felt my breath throughout my whole body. i felt the warmth on my shoulders and felt blood rush through my legs. i moved effortlessly to the music and by the time that mile was done i felt great.  my hubby asked if i wanted my time and i said yes.  because i was going to know my time and not judge it. 

and guess what? i knocked a whole minute off that mile! 

and for me, that's worth every minute out there. 

so i'm holding fast to my goals of running more races and completing a 10k by the end of the year.  i had a "bummer" moment and i made a choice.  be miserable and sorry for myself or put on my big girl pants, get over it and get back out there.  we can choose how we feel and how we live, and i made this choice because it makes me happy and i deserve it! 

have you ever had a moment when you just wanted to quit or stop because things got tough?  maybe when trying to get through an anxious moment you felt like it'd never stop or you'd never get a handle on it?  maybe you quit a job or bailed on a class because it got difficult?  do you run from challenges or to challenges? 

i wanna meet 'em head on!

No comments:

Post a Comment