Thursday, September 24, 2009

getting back to normal

i'm slowly transitioning back to normal and feeling better everyday. The wake was tough, but it felt good to be there with my family and we spent a nice time remembering and chatting and keeping each other strong throughout the night.

i'm finally welcoming a return to my routine and am enjoying getting out of the house and seeing familiar faces in my classes. i also got a large chunk of my cycle certification exam done and had time to make some yummy raw foods to store for dinner since my nights are getting back to being busy again.

i have my first long run (and by long i mean like 2 miles) scheduled for sunday morning because i think it'll be a terrific way to kick off the day since the huby and i have a long car trip for a family party later that day and i hate being cooped up and cramped in a car for too long.

i've also started reaching out to plan some much needed time with my girlfriends.

all in all, i allowed myself to stop resisting my feelings and decided to just sit with whatever came my way. you'd be surprised how powerful that was... knowing i was going to feel immense sadness and pain and i allowed it. we're so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

i'm very happy to feel like myself again. eager to get out and start running, yoga-ing and hitting the gym. looking forward to playing with raw food because it makes me feel fabulous and when i get sick and cranky i tend to reach for take out rather than put time into food preperation. hubby's happy to see some smiles coming from me.

we all hit bumps in the road, but the feelings don't last forever. you can be with the pain or sadness or anger or whatever you feel and you can overcome it. we just can't lose ourselves in the process.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

more de-stressing tips from yogini tara stiles

more coping strategies for stress and anxiety from tara stiles worth checking out

Nissan Master the Shift - Masters: Tara Stiles - Videos: Introduction: De-Stress

Shared via AddThis


i'm currently avoiding the task of getting ready to head into new jersey tonight for my uncle's wake. i almost feel like if i don't get ready than none of this is real. it's hard to find comfort in family because they are all suffering and coping as much as i am. i feel my energy is massively displaced, i've pretty much dive-bombed off the running wagon and my mat has remained curled up in the back of my car for days (only seeing the light of day when i unroll it to teach a class). after being couch-bound all weekend with a nasty cold and sore throat i felt unable to muster the strength to do anything after hearing of my uncle's passing so i've pretty much been sidelined for almost a straight week. i'm not feeling like myself. i don't even think i am myself. i'm keeping a stiff upper lip and playing the "rock" card during this time for those that need me to, but i'm slowly crumbling and don't think my brave face will hold up tonight.

these are the times when anxiety finds ways to creep up on us. our defenses are down and we're anywhere BUT in the present moment (the present moment often feels to painful). so i've found other ways to redirect my energy and attention until my brain fully wraps around recent events... i did some soul searching.

great loss (whether it be death, a break up, job-related or a busted friendship) can sometimes guide you into a deeper sense of who you are. struggles can lead to triumphs and sadness can bring closure. we tend to always want to avoid pain and suffering at any cost. i see this a lot in my classes. students struggle and twist and squirm when they find themselves in an uncomfortable pose and i always try to offer a nod to acknowledge their discomfort but also try to remind them that it's ok to just sit with it. it's ok to just be with it. i've spent a lot of time and energy in totally zoning out and i rarely have been talking about how i feel. but tonight i'm going to be face to face with the reality of it and i need to be ok with it.

if i need to cry, then i'll cry. if i need a hug, i'll ask for one. when i see my family hurting, i'll go to them. and when it's time to say good bye, i will. i can't 'check out' because i'm afraid of my feelings and afraid to let go. it's not about me.

i'm giving myself one more half hour and then i'm getting off the couch, out of my pajamas (which i've pretty much been living in lately) and getting ready to face this day. i won't break down, but i'll be sad. and i'll sit with it. and it'll be ok. we'll all be ok. but we'll never make it thru this if we spend more time fighting how we feel than finding solace in healing from it.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

soul searching

a death in my family has left me feeling a little lost and semi-detached. a nasty cold has left me sidelined on the couch for the past couple of days and the lack of physical movement and exertion is causing me to be increasingly agitated listless.

i promised myself that when i returned from my trip that i would re-dedicate myself to my goals and aspirations and spice up my journey a bit (september seems to cause that stir in me), however recent happenings have squashed my intentions. i'm finding myself craving some serious soul searching and introspection and while i usually relish in this progress of self-discovery, for some reason i'm finding the task daunting.

i recently read a quote on a FB friend's profile that went something like this:

constantly thinking about who you want to be is a waste of the person you already are

this struck a nerve with me. i believe that my path absolutely lead me to yoga and i feel more fulfilled than ever teaching and working with those suffering with anxiety... however, there are still some personal things i would like to accomplish just for me. something seperate from work and relationships and home. all of that is fabulous. i'm not doing everything i want to be doing and yet i constantly find myself daydreaming of all the things i'd like to do, yet i'm not doing. and this recent loss of life has me looking deep inside for comfort and also for answers.


Thursday, September 17, 2009

home sweet home

ciao le ragazze ed i ragazzi!

(hi girls and boys!)

I am officially starting to get back into the swing of things since returning from my amazing european adventure. hubby and i had a blast. we did our share of exploring (like checking out the parthenon and wandering around olympia) and made sure to sprinkle in some much needed down time - often on a beach! venice was breathtaking and i thoroughly enjoyed strolling through Piazza San Marco. we met fabulous people, ate amazing food and saw gorgeous scenery... it really was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. and, while i know i was concerned about anxiety rearing its ugly head and ruining the trip, it was actually surprisingly tame. yes, i did have some moments of stomach aching moments of panic, but it was so few and far between i hardly noticed it. i thought i would be numb with panic during the flights, but i was fine and actually found myself very relaxed. i thought not really having everything planned out and in my control would cause a freak out, but it didn't. i had one moment of anxiety the first morning we awoke and jumped out of bed to get ready for our adventure in croatia (because my anxiety tends to flare up in the AM) but i breathed my way right to relaxation and it didn't pop up at all throughout the day after that. i was very aware of how my body was reacting to things and if i felt anxious i quickly worked to identify why and start to relax.

and just as it is when i'm home... if i got anxious it was in the morning or when we got lost trying to find our way around. two things that caused me immense stress and anxiety way back when. getting lost was close to being my worst nightmare and mornings were always when i had massive panic attacks. knowing myself and my anxiety so well really helped me to avoid any real panic and it seriously never became an issue. it was really powerful to see how far i've come because at my worst i never would've been able to take a trip like this.

so now i'm dealing with post-travel blues and desperately craving another trip to look forward to.

in the meantime, i'm greatly enjoying getting back to my classes and indulging in much needed stretching and moving because there was little time during the trip for full on yoga and my body has been craving it. and since we've gotten back my internal clock has been off and i find myself waking around 4am (which i'm totally digging!). i've decided to re-commit to my training and have been enjoying early morning runs that energize me and clear my head. all of this is making the transition back to reality a little less painful.

i hope you all had a fabulous week and enjoyed your labor day weekend!

Friday, September 4, 2009

and...i'm off!

I'm en route to italy for vacation and am feeling really excited and energetic about the fun adventures headed my way. I'm going to try to update as much as possible so stay tuned!

Things I'm looking forward to:
1) Falling asleep on the flight and waking up in venice
2) Wandering around croatia & greek isles
3) Spa massage
4) Dining out in venice
5) And of course, time w/ my hubby

Camera is charged and ready to go, suitcases packed, backbacks on... And away we go!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

happy september

happy september loves! can you believe the summer is over? the autumn chill is definitely making itself known and i'm breaking out jeans and sneakers more often than dresses and flip flops, but i'm still finding things to look forward to. here's some exciting things coming up for fall:

* adventuring around Europe

* baby shower and birthday parties galore

* football sundays

* hockey games

* 2nd wedding anniversary

* pumpkin/apple picking

* thanksgiving with friends and family

* weekend out east filled with fabulous dinners and overflowing wine

i'm also happy to announce its NATIONAL YOGA MONTH!

some studios are offering a week of free classes, different yoga workshops or intro specials to celebrate. and in case you need to be reminded of the benefits:

Lower blood pressure
Decreased stress
Greater flexibility (not just physically!)
Enhanced brain function
Lower cholesterol
Better skeletal alignment
Strengthened bones/joints
Improved respiration
Weight Loss
Enhanced circulation
Easier transition through menopause
Deeper peace of mind
And many more…

check out the Yoga Month website for participating studios by you

and if you're already an avid yogi/yogini, then take this time of transition to expand your experiences with different styles of yoga or perhaps taking a workshop refresher course in something you're interested in such as the sutras or chakras.

Happy Yoga Month to all!

image: yoga month