Tuesday, February 16, 2010

be YOU x 2

i heard this from chalene johnson.  i always love me some inspirational and fun quotes and felt this one was so perfect.  it just hits so close to home for me. 

throughout my years with anxiety i spent a lot of time hiding my true self - you know, the one that shows i make mistakes and am human - and constantly tried to live in a place of perfection.  i said yes to everyone, took on projects others didn't want so i could make my boss happy, i struggled with figuring things out sometimes because i refused to ask questions and seem incompetent... talk about hard work!  its tough trying to be perfect.  its frustrating living this way because you become like this actor/actress in your own life.  its as though you're living out a role and only when the cameras go off (or you're totally alone!) can you be yourself. 

it still takes a lot of confidence to be myself.  i've had people comment on my style of teaching classes... i tend to like them loud, fun and sweaty... and i practice yoga to zepplin and the doors and deep purple and i don't think there's anything wrong with that.  i've heard many people say "yoga is for everyone" but yet as soon as you venture off the path a little, all of a sudden its not for everyone anymore because you're doing it wrong.  and even though i can teach a packed out spin class or kickboxing class and have tons of people say nice things to me about the moves, the music or the energy.... there will always be someone that leaves seeming unhappy and that's who you focus on (again, that was mentioned by chalene johnson) and i just had to laugh because as a  fitness instructor its SO true.  and as someone so familiar with anxiety its even more true because its a hard habit to break to not focus on the negative. 

and i'll admit it - when i transitioned to a full time yoga teacher i gave up my beloved coffee for green tea, i left behind the fun clothes and make up for traditional yoga togs and switched out candles for incense.  i believed that to be taken seriously i was going to have to give up some of who i was in order to be accepted.  but you know what? after a few months, i shrugged that all off.  i can listen to tori amos when i do my sun salutations and i can guzzle coffee with the best of 'em, there's nothing wrong with me enjoying a glass of wine with dinner and its fun to get decked out to teach a class!  it doesn't make me any less of a person or teacher just because i like to get my sweat on just as much as i enjoy to get my yoga on and when i practice with a class i like to joke around and have fun... i'm not a serious person and i'm not going to force my practice or classes to be either.  the thing is, not everyone is going to like me.  not everyone is going to be digging my classes or music or sequences or interpretations and that's ok.  i'm confident enough to believe in myself to the point where i can still rock it out my way and know that some people will love it and some won't.  its not that there's anything wrong with me or them... it's just that there wasn't a connection and i wasn't what they are seeking out right now.  but that one person isn't going to make me morph into an entirely different teacher or person anymore. 

there's a big difference between trying your best and constantly having to be the best and it's ok to not have everyone love you.  don't waste time trying to be everything to everyone because thats a never-ending quest.  and the only person to lose out is you.  know what you love, know what makes you smile and keep at it! 

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