testing 1, 2, 3

i was tested yesterday.  and it was unlike any pop quiz or final exam i've ever taken.  it was harder.  it was one i couldn't prep for.  and it was one i had to face.  and it made me very anxious.

my dinner friday night didn't sit too well with me and i woke up with horrible stomach pains and felt terrible.  enter: panic thoughts.  anytime my stomach shows the slightest bit of queasiness, i head for the hills (i.e. my bed).  i hate stomach aches more than anything else because it always puts me right back into panic mode remembering how i used to suffer with them daily and cause myself to get so upset i'd have a panic attack.

and when that's what we're used to, it's easy to fall victim to that train of thought. 

so even now, two years later (completely panic attack free!), i still remember that feeling.  i remember the fear of having to drive to work and sit at my desk all day feeling ill.  i remember pushing myself through my days and hoping to just make it through hour by hour.  and i remember being scared to death about having a panic attack in front of co-workers or my boss or while driving home... i still shudder just thinking about it.

so yesterday i was definitely tested.  i was legitimately sick, but it still made me wonder if it was just anxiety.  it was hard to de-tach the idea of being sick without the anxiety making me sick.  i took a stomach soother and drank some water and began to feel a little better.  what made me extra nervous though was that my day was jam packed.  literally, from beginning to end.  and i was already up at 5:30am feeling gross. 

how was i going to get through this day?  thoughts of cancelling everything crossed my mind.  but i didn't want to bail on my classes.  i had a lunch date with a girlfriend i had been looking forward to for days and i had some mini-errands that absolutely had to get done before heading out to another friend's apartment much later that night.  eek!  i was positively pale at the thought of it all. because when you feel sick or anxious, the last thing you wanna do is go out all day, right?  but i knew i had to do it.  and i wanted to.  i was sick.  and that was it.  and i was determined to take it one thing at a time and see how i felt.  i immediately realized my mind was racing 100 miles an hour, all with bad thoughts about getting sick in front of my class, or bailing last minute on my friend, or being miserable at my friend's place....

so i put up a big 'ol STOP SIGN on those thoughts.  and i powered through my day. 

and i had no problems. 

yes, i was a little icky feeling, but was it the monumental crisis i made it out to be? no.
did i realize immediately that my mind was going crazy with "what ifs?" yes.
and did i take every measure to stop it and refuse to give in to an anxious feeling? hell yes!

so i'm glad to say i passed my test.  i did every single thing i wanted to yesterday and put the "scary thoughts" way behind me.  i'm feeling sooo much better today and i knew i would, because it's a new day and i can choose how to face it.  and if i still felt kind of sick, then i'd cross that bridge when i got to it.  i wasn't going to do what i used to do way back when and pre-cancel everything because there was a mere chance i wouldn't be feeling well. 

i can face blood, guts and gore... but a stomach ache is my kryptonite - and i beat it!

we'll always be tested and we'll always face things we don't want to, but we have to know we can do it!  even if it is a little scary.  we are stronger than we think!!

the sniffling yogini

good morning!  hope everyone is having a wonderful start to their sunday!  i definitely am.  its been officially over one week (8 days) since i caught strep throat and i'm FINALLY starting to feel better!  so fabulous.  i slept through the entire night last night and had minimal coughing both last night and this morning.  and for those of you that have had terrible colds and coughs this winter, you totally know what i mean when i say that that cough obliterated any chance of a full night's sleep.... for days!  my eyes turned a sexy shade of bloodshot around thursday.

so anyway, i decided this morning to start turning back to my old routine of eating and smoothie sipping, yoga and (super light) cardio.  gotta ease back in slowly.  so as i type this i'm sipping on a chocolate coconut hemp protein smoothie so i can gain some energy back in my beat up body and i have a date with my yoga mat at 10:30am.  i'm actually teaching the class, but its a super gentle one and i plan on indulging myself in some deep arse stretches right along with the class.  whenever i'm sick i tend to resist making adjustments on students as much as possible because i hate the idea of my germy little hands on everyone as their trying to relax.

sleepy yogini source

hubby and i had kind of a crazy week and lots of things are changing so i'm calling on my yogic practices more than ever.  especially nadi sodhana.  and since we have lots going on and both of us have been on-and-off sick for the past 2 weeks we decided that we're going to spend some time together out east.  next weekend we're packing up the pup, the truck and our bags and treating ourselves to some much needed time away.  i can't wait.  visions of wooded jogging paths, fireplaces, bottles of wine and outdoor yoga dance in my head.  i'm hoping for some nice weather too.  that would be blissful.  but no matter what, i'm so pumped for this week to hurry up and go by so we can jump in the car and just go! 

what are your plans for the rest of your day?  how was your week?  i pretty much slept through mine, so fill me in on what i missed =)

sick days

i've been battling strep throat since saturday and am steadily feeling worse.  i've been trying to push through and teach some classes, but after each class i'm pretty fried and my throat aches and burns from all the talking.  i've unfortunately had to sub out and cancel some classes.  i hate having to do that.  and it actually causes me a lot of stress.  do i cancel?  do i try to push through?  will everyone at class be let down? 

even though i feel like i'm swallowing glass, i try to be there for every class i can.  do you ever feel like that?  you're sick or having some other pressing issue you need to tend to, but you push it aside and soldier on because you're concerned with what co-workers, your boss, a friend or a student might think of you? 

doctor's orders are to stay in bed and not teach so as not to stress or hurt my throat anymore.  i'm trying not to be consumed with the "but what if everyone hates me for canceling class??" thoughts.  i'm sick.  people get sick.  things happen.  so i'm taking care of myself and making sure that i get back to 100% as soon as possible so i can once again rock my classes.  if i don't take care of myself now, i'll just get worse and wind up having to cancel or sub out more classes.  sometimes you just gotta put your health first so you can get back stronger.  -and not stress about it too much!  :)

snow day and playing catch up

wow did we get hit hard yesterday! tons o' snow!  it snowed from morning until night.  hubby was home and while i had some work/classes/clients to tend to, i did get the night off.  my gym closed early.  now i hate to be scroogy or cranky about the snow, but it always causes me stress.  while its beautiful to look at and invokes peacefulness, there is always the aftermath.  the clean up... shoveling out cars.... attempting to walk my dog down sidewalks that are little more than sheets of ice, no outdoor workouts and, for people like me that hate driving in snow, no indoor workouts either because i'm not about to battle the slush for a little treadmill or elliptical action. 

hubby and i did manage to have some fun though. while the snow was still fresh and falling we took the puggle out to play and he's always good for a laugh in the snow... especially when its so much it towers over him.  we watched a movie, enjoyed a cocktail and we both shimmied into the kitchen to whip up a fun dinner of cheese and avocado quesadillas and veggie chili. 

i always love it when the whole world (or at least, my world!) manages to slow down for a bit.  i also managed to squeeze in some time to officially finish my kickboxing certification, put together some sequencing for classes and start a new playlist for my rock 'n roll vinyasa class. 

today we're left with the aftermath of a snow storm.  we dug out the cars at 7am and all that action left me hacking and choking and coughing because apparently i'm still not 100%...  i took a hot shower to get rid of the chills and whipped up some eggwhites and toast for breakfast.  hubby and i headed out to start our days and as much fun as we had yesterday, i'm back to not digging the snow.  icy, slushing, icky. 

on a really exciting note - Survivor is on tonight!  am i the only one that is still totally into this show?  its 2 hrs and its bringing back some oldie but goodie people - can't. freaking. wait.  i'm refueling with a banana sandwich (a banana cut in half w/ pb smeared on it) and a cup of coffee.  dinner is already made and just waiting for me to pop in the oven.  a fun dinner, survivor and a night in? TOTAL BLISS.  oh, and as a surprise for hubby i baked some brownies.  dessert to boot! gotta love it! 

even though days can get stressful, you gotta find the time to make them enjoyable.  did any of you get a piece of this snow storm that rocked the east coast?  hopefully, if you did, it didn't cause you too much stress! 

expectations, vacations and bed days

I've taken a few days off from...well, everything! Last Thursday hubby and I left for new orleans. It was a much anticipated trip and well earned long weekend away...until we awoke friday morning to hubby coughing and sneezing and burning up with a fever. He managed to push through a few activities we had planned on, but a lot of our trip was spent watching movies in the hotel room and ordering room service. The trip was nothinh like we expected which had the potential to be a nightmare, but we managed our expectations (something I'll touch on more in my next post)and between the chills and sniffles we got in some laughs. On sunday I was hit (read: knocked on my boo-tay!) With his flu and traveled home miserably with horrid body aches and chest pounding coughs. Yikes! I was terrified to upset people on the flight but I did my best. I drank my ginger ale, wrapped myself in a blanket and threw the rest up to fate. We both managed to make the two and a half hour (or in our sick time, 10 hour) flight and high tailed it home to curl up in bed. When you're that sick nothing is as wonderful as your own bed.
Needless to say, we've been sick since. This has been a rough one for us. I cancelled and subbed out a lot of my classes as I can barely find the energy or motivation to move -could be because I've barely consumed 500 calories worth of food in the past 4 days- and its helped a lot. I'm semi-notorious for over exerting and pushing myself...remember my blog on working through almost my entire week before succumbing to my stomach virus? Well I didn't do that this time. I've stayed offline and away from my cell. Its been such a nice treat. I've really spent the time committed to healing and resting and nursing my body back to normal.
I can't wait to be operating at 100% efficiency soon! And once I am I'll share more about our "adventure" in new orleans and some pics. Just goes to show that life never turns out the exact way we plan for it to.
Hope you're all doing better than I am my loves! Anyone psyched for the super bowl? I am! And new orleans really brought life to it! Saints stuff everywhere! Love it!
How do you guys rest up and take care when sick? Are you a pusher or a rester? Maybe a lil of both??

bitten by the bug!

ick! i've finally managed to catch myself a little cold that has left me hacking and sneezing all over town. luckily i was able to cancel my classes tonight so it's nothing but hot water with lemon and bed rest for me. i'd like to kick this bug before ringing in the new year.





on an exciting note, my germy little hands are typing out this blog on my brand new laptop! my old one was coming close to celebrating its 7th birthday and caused more frustration than fun when trying to do anything like use the internet, load a page, answer emails, work, you know - basically anything. hubby felt bad because i pretty much relied completely on my phone for internet and work so when i came home from a client sesh yesterday a beautiful, new, black, shiny laptop was awaiting me! and because electronics don't like me very much, i also found another late christmas surprise in my stocking .... a new (functioning!) ipod nano! now i can make all my running and yoga playlists which makes me a very happy girl.





how were your holidays? i hope wonderful and RELAXING!





have you set your 2010 intentions yet? i've been doing this in all my classes this week. i have a mile long list of intentions, but the ones i'd like to focus on the most this upcoming year are creating more space in my life, practicing non-reaction as opposed to over-reaction, mastering (or at least stepping within the vicinity of) the art of forgiveness and ego-checking.





in the meantime, i plan to spend some time journaling the highlights of 2009, writing out game plans for 2010 and figuring out ways to incorporate these intentions into my life.





i would love to hear some of your intentions!






image: madammoisellenon