happy, happy friday

good morning to everyone out there in the blogosphere! 

i woke up this morning with so much delicious energy that i feel like i could run a marathon.  the past couple of nights have been rough for me... still don't really know why... and i've been getting only like 3-4 hrs of sleep a night.  not good.  doesn't make for a happy girl come the morning.  so after dinner last night, hubby suggested i take a quick nap so i could recharge for survivor.  while, in theory, that sounded wonderful, it didn't quite work out that way.  i totally slept right through survivor and could barely open my eyes when hubby tried to wake me.  he just left me to rest and i wound up sleeping straight through until this morning!  a total of 11 blissful hours of sleep.  ahhhh.  i can't even begin to describe how good that felt. 

so today i only have one yoga class to teach because my other one has been cancelled for the next two weeks.  and while i always love to have classes to teach, its a nice break.  so i'm spending my day with my sis-in-law and beautiful baby nephew and fitting in some work in between.  so far i managed to clean the house, make breakfast for the hubby and i, walk the puggle, watch an epi of Sex and The City and sort through all of my class CDs.  I also am super excited because i'm teaching a SPIN class tomorrow AM.  i'm pumped for that!  can't wait to make a rockin' playlist and get my sweat on!  i'm gonna rock 'em!  i also am sending out my kickboxing exam and certification so i'll be able to add that to my class schedule soon as well.  yoga, spin and kickboxing?  color me the happiest girl in the world!  i'm also actively creating an outdoor group workout class that i'm recruiting friends to join.  i'm going to be running this on Sunday mornings and can't think of a bettter way to spend a weekend morning.... working out and kicking butt with friends.  love it.

tonight after class the hubby and i are getting take out and watching the DVR'd survivor epi from last night.  perfect night. and tomorrow we're doing the whole v-day celebration.  we're going to see Avatar and getting indian food for dinner.  the movies are a really cool thing  for me because back in the day, with my anxiety, i refused to see a movie.  i hated the idea  of being trapped in a movie theatre and not being able to just get up and go.  i notice that "trapped" feeling is very common for those of us with anxiety.  i'll never forget that after a year of not seeing movies, the first one i felt confident enough to see was wall-e and hubby bought me a little plastic wall-e in honor of the event!  i still have it!  and i still continue to acknowledge the movies as a stepping stone in my recovery from anxiety... so it's a real special treat for me to do this with him.  talk about appreciating the little things, huh? haha! 

hope your friday is wonderful and you have some fun plans for this weekend - v-day related or not! 

Life's a Journey

How many times have I reminded myself of this? I felt it was important to check in because I awoke feeling terribly anxious and the feeling is still here. Rather than launch into an attack, I'm remembering to breathe and relax. Luckily I'm at the gym about to teach so yoga is in my very near future. After some reflection I realized two things. 1) I'm not a morning person, its when I feel most anxious at times and; 2) lack of sleep definitely contributes to it. I have a new clas this AM and had nightmares all night about oversleeping, messing up the class and breaking the cd system. Ah! No fun.

So in practicing what I preach (the importance of doing something, anything, to take yourself out of the anxiety) I decided to blog via my cell and am absolutely teaching my class and then fitting in a workout after.

Anxiety won't stop me!

Thoughts on Thoughts

Ever notice how sometimes our thoughts can make a crummy situation even more miserable? I had no idea how powerful my thoughts were until I was forced to face them. My thoughts could turn normal stress into a full blown panic attack and make me truly believe that if I left my house or attempted to step outside of my comfort zone something horrific would happen. And even though deep down I knew better, my thoughts called the shots.

There's nothing worse than feeling the first pangs of stress and anxiety. I used to feel it in the pit of my stomach. Then my entire chest would sieze up and my fingers and toes would get ice cold and ultimately become numb. Then, as if watching a movie in slow motion, I could mentally predict each thing that would happen to me as I began to launch into a panic attack. And at times, I felt there was nothing I could do about it but freak out. Initial thoughts went something like this...

OMG, I'm going to lose it and EVERYONE is going to see me have a panic attack!

Oh no, I'm going to get sick, I just know it. I'm going to get sick in front of everyone!

I gotta get outta here RIGHT NOW! I can't let anyone see this happen to me... they'll think I'm crazy!

It took me a long, long time to learn to ride it out and work on not letting my thoughts get the best of me. And like I've said many times before, anxiety never goes away... what does change is our ability to cope with it. So armed with my "anti-anxiety tool belt" (which included knowledge on breathing, stress relieving yoga poses and the confidence in positive thoughts) now I just ride anxiety out. I've been panic attack free for awhile (knock on wood) but I still get feelings of anxiousness. Instead of perpetuating it through scary thoughts and doubt, I talk myself through it and actually try to just sit with it... weird at first, but pretty cool once you get the hang of it. I go through my entire body and notice what it's feeling and how my thoughts impact what I feel. I stay connected to myself and in the moment.

Have you ever taken time to sit through an anxious episode or crappy experience? Where you ever able to change the situation and feelings by utilizing your thoughts?