2009: A Year In Review

after nearly 12 hours of sleep, my aches and sniffles seem to be a bit more tame this morning. i woke up bright eyed around 5am and managed to lay in bed until 6. i fed my 4-legged loves, brewed some coffee and booted up my laptop for my annual YEAR IN REVIEW blog post. i was going to journal this, but never got around to it so i'm asking a lot of my brain this morning... but i am excited to recap with you what was probably one of my most transitional and powerful years to date.

Sept-Dec 2008 (yes, i know i'm cheating a bit here, but it's important to include!) completed 200 hours of hatha yoga teacher training and am released out into the world to share what i've learned.

Jan 2009: juggling the start of my third year in PR and also taking on my very first yoga class on saturdays.

early jan 2009: make the monumental decision to leave the safety and comfort of PR to teach yoga full time. after seeing how much it changed my life, i can't imagine not sharing this gift with everyone in the world. i sit in my boss' office, sick to my stomach, and tell him of my decision. one of the most emotional days of my life. i loved my job and my boss and co-workers and clients. after it was done, i swore i was going to throw up.

jan 16, 2009: last day of PR job. hubby and i go out to celebrate my next steps into the world even though i still have that nagging vomit feeling.

jan 24th : gave first ever Present Moment Workshop in honor of Yoga Day USA. met with huge response and gave me signs i was on the right path.

feb 2009: with the help of my fabulous sister-in-law, Anxiety to Zen was launched!

march 2009: slowly gathering more classes under my belt. i join the team at world gym and harmony yoga studio. became VP of Discover & Recover, a non-prof dedicated to raising money for yoga scholarships and introducing alternative health therapies into institutions.

april 2009: first private client signs on for anxiety and stress coaching. went to florida with hubby on a company trip and had a great time. the last time we went i was so riddled with anxiety i skipped out on some group activities and dinners and barely spoke when faced with new people. this year, i partied it up with everyone and finished the trip off rocking out to "sweet home alabama" on the dance floor.

may 2009: my 26th birthday. feeling good about leaving 25.

july 2009: was interviewed by kimberly wilson (www.kimberlywilson.com/blog) and had my story, along with Anxiety to Zen, featured on her amazing site. got to talk to a teacher that i really, really look up to and admire.

summer 2009: kept adding more classes and officially became considered a part time teacher. on my time sheet... bally's, world gym, harmony yoga, sunrise health club and a handful of private clients. website kept growing as i reached out to more people for insights and thoughts on anxiety and yoga. gave another Present Moment Workshop and also completed multiple 6 week long stress and anxiety relief yoga programs. introduced running into my life and there began my love affair with it. totally fell in love with raw foods. after years of experimentation (what makes me feel sick, what doesn't, what helps ease my anxiety) i found my freedom in raw foodism. i was met with stares and gawking about it, but i kept pushing through.

sept 2009: went to europe for the first time! only needed to take some stomach soothing meds every once and awhile and conquered two nine hour flights, packed out trains, travel confusion and running around different countries with no sweat! had the best time and made memories that will last me a lifetime. discovered a deep passion and love for traveling. anxiety didn't stop me once! and took home my first piece of prada.

oct 2009: celebrated my 2 year wedding anniversary with the best hubby ever. signed up for 5k. booked a trip to new orleans for the new year. was asked to be a bridesmaid!

nov 2009: by far, my busiest month. ran my first 5k with my pup. went to a wonderful anusara workshop. threw a baby shower. celebrated thanksgiving with my family. officially consider myself 50% raw foodie. started volunteering at Last Hope. immediately fell in love with every dog in there.

dec 2009: ran my 2nd 5k with the hubby. officially obtained full time teaching status. began helping promote D&R Krishna Das fundraiser. BECAME AN AUNT! got my 2nd piece of prada. a new laptop! started taking bikram yoga classes. this was a huge mind trip for me as it exposes my anxieties. i get very anxious when i feel trapped or stuck. i also get anxious about having to go to the bathroom or become ill in front of people or in public. enter bikram. i was told once i enter the studio i cannot leave (gulp), if the heat makes you feel ill just sit it out until you feel better (double gulp at the thought of passing out in front of the class) and drink gallons and gallons of water but don't leave the class to use the facilities (ok, i'm nearing my limit). but i did it anyway. i drank the tons 'o water, i stayed put in the studio and focused all my energies on my poses rather than the fact that the heat could make me pass out. it was like a torture chamber for my mind. now i know i'm making this sound as appealing as a lobotomy, but.... i left feeling empowered. i conquered something that exposed all my anxiety weaknesses. i felt stripped down and scared, but i did it and i succeeded. and i went back for more! out of all the yoga classes i've taken and all the studios i've gone to, bikram was the first one i committed to. that says something. i wouldn't go as far to say i'm a devotee at this stage, but i'm sure as hell loving the adventure of it. there's something transformative about being in that kind of situation. i'm sure i'm over thinking it a bit because i'm coming at it from such a different mind set, but that's what makes it all the more powerful for me. so i discovered a lust for bikram yoga.

so there you have it. my life in 2009. i feel transformed and different. and i hope 2010 brings just as much transformation and growth. i reconnected with old friends, made new ones, lost some. after all the styles of yoga i've tried i became enamored with bikram as it touches me on so many different levels. i got two 5ks under my belt and am looking forward to training for a half next jan. discovered the power and beauty of raw, living foods. fell in love with my beautiful baby nephew and saw how rock star my sister-in-law was with her natural birth! deepened my relationship with my hubby. began to devote some of my time to volunteering to a cause i care about. grew my classes and clients and my ability to share anxiety relief with others.

i'm a lucky girl.
i'm a thankful girl.

recent reflections

here's a glimpse into how i was living my life a year ago:

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Near the Breaking Point
I cried this morning. Not so much a can’t-catch-my-breath, mascara-running-down-my-face type of crying, but I shed a few tears. I felt frustrated that I let my exhaustion come out thru my eyeballs, but a release is a release and I needed it! I was in the kitchen around 6:30 in the morning feeding all our pets and I just felt overwhelmingly tired and before I knew it – tears. There’s no hiding it, I’m tired. I’m burnt out. And I don’t know what to do. Every morning, when I hear that dreaded alarm clock go off, I squeeze my eyes shut and will there to be an email on my blackberry from my boss saying that somewhere along the line we had forgotten that today is actually some obscure holiday and we have off – enjoy! Then of course I drag my butt out of bed in a haze and try to shower without drowning.
I tried to focus on my relaxation CD while driving to work and it didn’t help. I actually felt a panic attack creeping up, so I quickly switched it off and focused entirely on breathing. It helped and I avoided a full blown attack, but my body is telling me to slow down. The part that I’m unsure of is how I do that. I knew when I decided to commit to yoga I would have to sacrifice a lot. And it’s been fine so far. What I didn’t anticipate was the exhaustion. I can’t afford to take any days off of work, I can’t miss any yoga classes, if I cancel one more time on my personal trainer she’ll probably reach thru the phone and kill me and my husband is about to have a sheer breakdown because what little I have time for around the house isn’t nearly enough to ease the burden on him.
When I start to feel like this, I try to imagine the people that go through so much more than me and are forced to function on three hours worth of sleep. In the grand scheme of things, my exhaustion seems so irrelevant because there are much bigger things out there people have to be concerned about. It’s times like this when I need a gut check. Eventually, my goal is to teach yoga and personal training, but in the meantime I have to do what it takes to reach that goal – and in order to do that I have to sacrifice.

i can still remember sitting in my office, on my lunch break (because i rarely left my desk), typing that out. i can remember my 'brag board' in front of me, a big board where i posted all my successful pitches and press hits. i can still see my collection of pictures to the right of my monitor filled with smiling faces and happy times. and i can still remember that feeling of overwhelming sadness. i felt so empty. i felt incredibly lost. and i felt obligated to smile through it and act as if everything was always OK. i've been through a lot in the past year.

my life is drastically different now. in 2009 alone i left the comfort of a full-time job to persue teaching yoga, i launched a business dedicated to helping people suffering with stress and anxiety disorders, i've gone to numerous yoga workshops and met some incredible teachers, i've started training for my first 5k, within the next few weeks i'll be certified to teach spin and kickboxing, i've traveled around europe, celebrated a much happier 2nd wedding anniversary and have started to become the person i wanted to be but was afraid to be.


funny what can happen in just one year.

i'm a featured tranquilista on kimberly wilson's amazing blog!

YAY!

a few months back i reached out to the fabulous kimberly wilson, a teacher, author, activist, entrepreneur and designer with a masters degree in women’s studies. she is the creative director and founder of tranquil space, founder of the tranquil space foundation and author of hip tranquil chick. i asked her if i could link to her foundation on my site and before i knew it we were chatting about Anxiety to Zen! i am honored to be a featured tranquilista on her blog and had so much fun sharing my story and dreams for Anxiety to Zen.

check it out here: http://www.kimberlywilson.com/blog/

and check out more on kimberly wilson (and all her do-gooding) at: http://www.kimberlywilson.com/