another celebration weekend down!

i don't know about you - but my summer 2010 is INSANE!  between weddings, showers, parties, family functions, birthdays and graduations i've been quite the busy chick.  and for those that live with anxiety, celebrations -while a happy occasion- can definitely bring on the stress!  so this weekend, a friend of mine had a joint bachelor/ette party in atlantic city. this absolutely brought out the stress for me.  it put me face to face with old school stressors - long car rides, traffic, food, big crowds of people, no room of our own of place to go if i got sick... all my triggers coming out to play, and yet i never contemplated not going 

so yeah, the days leading up to this event i was nervous, but i practiced everything that makes me feel better and made sure to set myself up for success.

here's some things i did to help ease any potential stress:

1) i told my friend how i was feeling. i was extremely open that these things used to cause me to run away screaming, but i was still gonna go and just kinda play it by ear. i explained everything that caused me to get anxious to her and felt better knowing that it was out there and if i was indeed anxious, she'd already be aware of what was going on and everything would be cool. i wouldn't have to push through it and fake it. took a ton of weight off my shoulders!

2) did yoga, exercised and ate clean the week before to make sure i was physically feeling great. avoided food i know would sit heavy, cause stomach pain or jitters.

3) made fun playlists to get me in 'roadtrip' mode

4) asked my husband to be my support. i told him i may need time to vent, or talk it out, until i got the stress outta my system.  he totally understood and was always there to lend an ear if i had a concern, or just wanted to logically talk myself out of a fear or negative thought.

In a nutshell, we sat in HOURS of traffic, i was faced with food options i didn't choose and i was thrown some other curveballs - but i never panicked. no worry. no fear. no "oh my god i feel sick moments." no stomach aches or pains. nothing. i was totally cool with everything handed my way.

and you know what?  it felt good. 

hear me roar!

  

and yes, i was a little anxious.  i'll always have things that'll make me anxious.  but i faced the challenge head on, did everything i could within my power to set me up for success and let go of trying to control the situation. this is what my friend chose, and i was going to be there.  and it felt amazing to feel so strong doing something that used to cripple me with fear. 

i wanted to share this with you guys, because its important to use these milestones to keep in mind how far we come.  and even if you're not at the point yet where you feel you can completely conquer your fear and anxiety, you can always make small steps of success. 

and i live by my husband's MO of "enjoy the little things" 

so enjoy any milestone you have!  let's keep celebrating them together!


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branching out

i know i share a lot about yoga and anxiety, but i'd like to open up the forum a little and chat about yoga in general every now and then.  and i'd also like to touch on how yoga is impacting me lately... and hearing how yoga's impacting you as well!

on a very happy, positive note i am being included in an interview series on people with holistic careers.  i'll be working on that interview and will keep you posted on the details of when it goes up.  i'll also be sharing a guest blog on... you guessed it! anxiety and yoga. it'll be on an amazing blog - which of course i'll link to when it goes up.  its a blog that i adore and am excited to introduce you guys to it!

also, remember how i said i get anxious in the AMs? well, its still kind of happening.  so rather than run in the other direction and bail on all early AM obligations and classes, i'm giving myself more of a challenge.  there's a 7am ashtanga yoga class on sundays at one of my gyms and i'm planning on attending.  an ass kicking, sweat-inducing yoga class first thing in the morning? if that doesn't chase the nerves away, i don't know what will! 

anyway, i hope your thursday is treating you well.  i'm off to do the yoga thang again - 2 classes - then home to feast on indian food  with the hubby and catch the latest Futurama. love, love, love that show. oh, and there may or may not be a glass of vino awaiting me as well.

xoxo

too quick to quit?

for as far back as i can remember i was never really one to "tough it out" or "stick it through to the end." 

i only made it through 2 days of soccer try outs in junior high and was on my high school lacrosse team for a whopping two weeks before ditching it in favor of more 'productive' things like hanging out with friends and watching TV.  i played an instrument for years before buying my own and then parting ways with the band a month later.  i bailed on honors classes i took half-way through the year and threw myself into activities i thought i'd love just to quit a few weeks later. 

i definitely didn't have that stick with it drive.

so last summer when i became devoted to running my husband laughed and friends took bets as to how long the running love affair would last.

i banged out a couple 5ks and loved it.  and while i was far from quick, i definitely enjoyed the journey.  and that's what it's always been about for me.  its not just about the end result because if you hate the journey you'll be miserable. 

fast forward through a brutally cold winter (when the temp drops below 50 degrees i hibernate) and monsoon season, i finally laced up my kicks for a quick mile lap around my neighborhood.  i have some big plans to run some races this summer (would LOVE to hit a 10k) and a Warrior Dash event in September to prep for so i was pysched.  however, my legs weren't as thrilled.  they felt heavy and sluggish.  and i had to stop and walk for a minute or so.  my hubby came with and tried to push me through it but i was annoyed at how much i back tracked, even though i do cardio pretty much every day. 

when the run was over -almost 11 minutes later, eek!- i was ready to throw in the sweaty running towel. 

i was feeling pretty lousy about my first "real" run since the winter hit, and then i had an ah-ha moment.  it would be so easy for me to quit.  it would be the simple solution.  i'm not naturally good at running and originally started to do it for stress relief and adventure (and a way out of the gym sometimes!).  but i was letting the time of the run, the soreness, every little thing get to me.  i hadn't been out for a serious run in forever, so what did i expect.  a sub 7minute mile?  and just because i wasn't fabulous at this run, did it mean i had to stop it altogether? 

see, here's the secret.  most people strive for a PR (personal record) when they run, but i strive for a PM (present moment).  when i'm running i'm NOWHERE else.  i'm completely in the zone and totally present.  i hear every beat of music, i feel every step.  i'm aware of my legs and arms, even my fingertips.  and that's powerful.  i have no anxiety, no stress, no worries.  it's my time.  and i adore it.

so i'm gonna quit that because of one bad day? 
well... yeah, almost!

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but i refused to give in.  ok, so i had a sucky experience on that run.  didn't mean it'd always happen.  and it's time for me to change this "i can always quit" attitude.  when things get tough, i need to get tougher.  and that's what i did.  this morning i laced my sneaks back up and headed out.  i promised myself just one mile.  just have fun like i used to and enjoy being present.  and present i was!  i didn't stop once. i felt my breath throughout my whole body. i felt the warmth on my shoulders and felt blood rush through my legs. i moved effortlessly to the music and by the time that mile was done i felt great.  my hubby asked if i wanted my time and i said yes.  because i was going to know my time and not judge it. 

and guess what? i knocked a whole minute off that mile! 

and for me, that's worth every minute out there. 

so i'm holding fast to my goals of running more races and completing a 10k by the end of the year.  i had a "bummer" moment and i made a choice.  be miserable and sorry for myself or put on my big girl pants, get over it and get back out there.  we can choose how we feel and how we live, and i made this choice because it makes me happy and i deserve it! 

have you ever had a moment when you just wanted to quit or stop because things got tough?  maybe when trying to get through an anxious moment you felt like it'd never stop or you'd never get a handle on it?  maybe you quit a job or bailed on a class because it got difficult?  do you run from challenges or to challenges? 

i wanna meet 'em head on!

greeting 2010 with open arms

happy new year loves!

now i know that every new day offers us the opportunity for growth and movement within our journey, but there is just something so magical to me about new years eve. something special about watching that sparkling ball fall in beloved times square. something inspiring about knowing that i'm going to wake up to a whole new year. a year filled with promise and adventure, personal growth and fresh aspirations. just writing about it makes me smile!

yesterday i spent a lot of time pondering my 2009 journey and today i'd like to spend time creating my 2010 journey.

here are some of my goals & aspirations:

* complete a 10k
*train for disney half marathon for jan 2011
*do something physically challenging everyday to remind myself that i'm capable of anything
*experiment a lot more with raw foodism, hopefully being 65-75% raw by next year
*commit more time to growing friendships and appreciate all the people i'm blessed with having in my life
*put together a fundraising walk for Discover & Recover
*stay true to my perception of yoga and my practice
*share yoga with everyone i can!!
*make more time for personal reflection time: journaling, collages, blogging, reading, getting inspired
*reminding myself daily to release self doubt, grudges, judgement and negativity
*start a morning gratitude ritual
*keep space in my life on and off the mat- be wary of over scheduling and over stressing.
*strive to be the best me i can be for everyone around me
*travel to another country
*travel as much as i can

ok so after listing that all out i feel like maybe one year isn't enough! some of these are 'outside' goals like running accomplishments and taking as many yoga classes as i can and booking lots of fun trips. and i definitely made sure to have 'inside' goals like letting go of my grudges, working on being a positive force for those around me and keeping my anxiety and stress in check (a constant for me).

i'm sure this list will change as the year progresses - which is cool because i totally obtain the right to change my mind at any given time (haha) ! - but that's what makes it fun. it's the adventure of it all. and hey, maybe that's a goal too. APPRECIATE THE ADVENTURE OF IT ALL. i've spent waaaay to much of my life stressing it away. i was doom 'n gloom girl more often than i care to admit. every day i break free a little more and i'm so thankful for that.... and yoga (which who knows where i'd be had this gift not come into my life).

what are some of your aspirations and intentions for 2010? how will you appreciate your adventure?

and, in the spirit of goals and aspirations, i'd like to do one right now - gratitude!

i love all of you! i thank you for sharing in my journey, i thank you for supporting me, i thank you for feedback and just being YOU! THANK YOU!

peace+love